Last night when I was taking a shower I thought of the ladies in my small group. Now before you think 😳😳😳🤣 just know God often uses my shower time to bring people to my mind and I pray for them. I thought about tomorrow (now today) being Valentine’s day. I know this can be a tough day for many women (and men) who (may) feel – at least when they look around what other people look like they have – they may feel unloved and unwanted. I pray that you will not believe those lies. You are HIGHLY valued and LOVED. Each one of you (and me) are TREASURED. If not just by the people around you and maybe family and/or friends that care for you but by the creator of the Universe. Our Father, in heaven, loves you. He sacrificed greatly for you. Please know this and HOLD ON to this #truth even if/when other feelings creep in, and they will, when we fix our eyes on anything (any idea) or anyone else other than God. HE KNOWS the deep desires of your heart. I pray you will not relish in these thoughts and that you will give them over to Him and let Him work in your heart. Do not go your own way ladies. Please.
I speak to you as a woman who has time and time again chose my feelings over what was right. I wrongfully believed that this was just what you do for love. No. That was a lie. That was wrong. I see this so clearly now because I know what true love is. I know the world and society and your upbringing will tell you many things about what love is. Look at me adding my own two cents into the mix as well. But if you are are still reading this, can I just share with you what I’ve discovered about love?
Love is sacrifice. I don’t mean that YOU sacrifice to receive love – no – you sacrifice to GIVE love, to show love to someone else through our actions. If someone loves you, it should not come with strings attached to it. That is a conditional love. That is not what I’m talking about. Let me try and explain. I love my kids, but not because of something they can do for me because really, what can they do for me? They can listen. They can be obedient and cooperate with me as I try to raise them in the way they should go. It makes our relationship work more smoothly when they listen and heed the advice and wisdom that I provide for them as their mother. However, when they choose to go their own way and argue and rebel- I STILL LOVE THEM. I still GIVE myself to them. I still sacrifice for them (still make dinner, still listen to their concerns etc.). And I also try and override my desire to eliminate their sufferings and allow them space to experience the natural consequences when they choose to ‘go their own way.’ That is love too. How? Well because I care about their WHOLE future, not just the here and now, I know that they are learning through the choices that they make. (I’m still keeping a watchful eye and having ongoing communications with them urging them to do the right things in life because they don’t know all they THINK they know.) I want them to fully mature and grow. I want them to be healthy in all areas. Loving other people, including our children, is not easy. It IS worth it though. But that means that it costs ME too because I cannot do whatever I want. (I need to be available to them, listen to them, and teach them over and over.) I give up a part of my life for them because I love them. I don’t hold it over their head. I just do it. I just love them. That is love.
But today is Valentine’s day. We understand this sacrificial type of love in healthy parent- child relationships, however, does sacrificing apply in a romantic relationship too? Yes. There is a level of self-denial involved in romantic relationships. We cannot just do whatever we want to do because we can hurt the other person. So we wait on the “right” person. We restrain ourselves from only acting on our feelings. We work through miscommunications. We do all of these things and we endure all of these things because we love them. But there is more to it than that. When we give our heart to someone else there is a yoking, a bond that takes place that is not easily forgotten. Be careful with that. Be discerning who you give your heart to. Don’t just do whatever you want to do. Please consider the natural consequences of your actions, whatever they are BEFORE you move forward fueled by lust, discontent, loneliness etc. Love is patient. You can wait.
What if you are not in a romantic relationship but you want to be? What do you do with this? I don’t know your whole story to be able to advise you specifically, but I KNOW who DOES. Go to the one that WILLINGLY gave Himself up for you. Because He already did. What else can He do to show you that He is waiting on you to respond to His love? What else can He do to show you that He truly loves you and wants the best for you, not just for this moment but for ALL ETERNITY??? Protect this love. Get to know the One who knows every hair on your head, the One who knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb. If your heart is breaking because you feel unloved, tell Jesus. If you feel left out because it seems like everyone else has someone to hold but you, tell Jesus. Pray for the qualities of the man that you think you’d like to be with. Pray for him to be strong, to wait on you and to trust in the Lord at this time. Pray and examine yourself. As yourself, Do I possess the character qualities that he would want to see in me? Am I faithful? Do I place my trust in the Lord or do I go about making my own way? Are there women around me that I can call to encourage during this time? Maybe we can get together and talk/pray about this situation uplifting one another in the Lord. Can I be content in this season that God has me in right now? Can I remain faithful and continue to prepare myself for whatever is next in God?
Lay it all out to God. Pour out all your feelings, all the details. Why not? He can take it and He already knows the desires of your heart. You can tell Him everything. And then you wait. Be strong and wait on God. He knows. He sees. He does. He really does. He will provide all that we need and more. His timing is always right.
“Yes, yes, I know all of that, but I want a REAL PERSON IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW!” Are we talking about you and what YOU want again? I was sharing how love isn’t about what YOU want but for the other person. If there is no other person identified now or if you are still in the ‘discerning’ phase, continue to give it over to God. All of these thoughts, all of these feelings… go to GOD and BE FILLED by HIM. Once you are, THEN you can be free to see what’s right in front of you and not be so swayed by our fleshly desires.
I’m not sure how this comes across or if anyone will read this plea. I just remember my younger self searching for love in all the wrong places. People took advantage of that and I remember these things. I willfully chose to go into bad relationships; I was deceived in other relationships. In ALL of these situations, if I knew and BELIEVED what I know now that I was (and am) fully LOVED already by God – there is no way I would have entered into or stayed in those relationships or kept thinking those thoughts. It wasn’t my marriage that helped me to understand this. It wasn’t having children. It wasn’t the success of my job (or when I walked away from my career) that I realized these truths applied to me. It was over time, bit by bit, God pouring into me through His people, His word, Holy Spirit and through the relationships and circumstances of my life that I truly came to know and to believe that my TRUE IDENTITY is found in Christ alone. That I AM the daughter of the King. I AM an adopted child of the God of Heaven. HIS love is what I need; I have what I need. I am content and thankful. So…how about you? How are you? Drop me a note via one of the links or here in the comments if you want to share what resonated with you. Thank you.
May this message encourage you that we are ALREADY LOVED and cherished by God. Anything (or anyone) else is extra. 💓💓 Happy Valentine’s day or Happy #Galentines’s day!!
“Dear Daughter,
I pray you’re reading this letter in good health. I pray you’re living each day filled with the joy of the Lord and operating in His will. I know there will be days in your life when you feel as though you have failed or that your life is simply wasting away. I want you to always remember that this is a result of sin’s entrance into the world. You shouldn’t worry or dwell too much on these moments, instead I want you to remember that through Christ you have been made a new creature and that God’s grace endures through trials. You have power and endurance to take responsibility and rule over your life. However, while you’re busy taking charge of your life, I want you to always leave room for God, let Him have influence over all areas of your life. Never live so rigidly that you leave no room for God’s mastery. You will also find that during moments of chaos, sometimes the best thing to do is relax and let God mold you. So my child, I charge you to take responsibility of your life, God has given you power and authority to subdue all things under your control, also make sure that you to let God mold you into the beautiful human he has designed you to be.”
-‘Dear Daughter’ letter written by Stacy (her response to a summary question from page 76 of our Bible Study).
Sejana Shines 