I turned back on my phone after turning it off for one full weekend of being unplugged and received a message about my uncle.
Did you hear?
He was killed yesterday…tree fell on the house as he was in bed.
What?!?
It’s been almost 3 weeks now. I was able to travel back to my childhood home of Birmingham, Alabama, to be with family and lay my uncle’s body to rest.
It was so good for my soul to be home with family. To be with people I haven’t seen in months and years. Even to be with people I didn’t remember at all because I was just a kid growing up back then. It was good to have those awkward getting-to-know-you-again conversations because I wanted to get-to-know-you-again for the first time as a grown adult.
Returning back to my current home a few days later after bereavement leave from work meant being swamped with the busyness of life yet again. No time to linger longer, to process and to grieve unless you’re really intentional about it. I was intentional the first day back and took my time appreciating the life I have and thinking about the people I was able to reconnect with. But the next day back at work after that was just as busy again and soon it’s almost as if all of that remembering didn’t even happen before- but it did.
Driving home this week after work on Thursday, I noticed the trees in our neighborhood against the bright, blue sky. The leaves are changing colors to yellow and brown and it’s our first fall season here in our new state of Kentucky. I noticed the leaves are almost completely covering our green front lawn. As I drove down my street, I saw all those tall trees and I remembered that the trees was what drew me to this particular neighborhood. I liked seeing the trees.
And yet, it was a tree that killed my uncle.
I’ve been pondering both truths in my mind in these days.
In Birmingham, my husband and I drove to my uncle’s house before we left Alabama. It was important for me to see his house again for myself.
And I really wanted to see that tree.
I remembered that last time I rode with family to my Uncle’s house, we were celebrating that he closed on his first new home. I remember my other uncle, a retired chef, frying up some salmon patties for us to eat. Nobody makes these patties better than my uncle. Just simple ingredients and it turned out so delicious, fluffy, and not full of oil.
But this time, as my husband and I drove up to my uncle’s house what I noticed was his neighborhood didn’t just have one or two trees- there were trees everywhere, as well as houses everywhere within the trees. A tree falling could have happened anywhere, but it happened specifically where it did. And it happened specifically when it did. Any other day, one additional loved one could have been with him in that bed on that fateful day. And also, any other day, that bed could have been empty as my uncle would have been traveling or on his big fishing trip that he was just on the day before.
But it was on this particular early morning, on that particular day, that that specific tree fell over on his specific home right on top of his bedroom and right on top of his body while he lay in his bed sleeping when Hurricane Isaias brought lots of rain and wind to the area.
?!?!?!
I’m still processing all of this.
I have no right words…
And yet, I accepted the invitation by my Aunt to offer a prayer of comfort as a part of my uncle’s funeral service last week Saturday. I was both honored to have been asked and very nervous going up there because I felt like a kid surrounded by my extended family who helped raise me that I loved. They were hurting and everything felt so fast and so unreal. I just saw my Uncle last summer when I wanted our son who was heading off to college to know he had family other than us. I was adamant about that making that trip – I’m so glad I did. But as I went up to the podium near the beginning of the service that felt like a traditional Black church worship service- I decided to read what I had wrote to share. I believe that Uncle BoBo would want me to be me, so I did. I offered those present the words I had prayerfully prepared in hope that it would resonate and comfort those of us who were hurting on this day by not overlooking how we were feeling. I do believe that we can’t rush grief, but we can of course try to avoid it. But grief will come when it does again and again. But the way through grief is actually just that- to go through the grief. To feel the feelings, to recognize them, and to acknowledge them. In time, grief will subside when we don’t push it away. And without explaining any of that, I hoped to offer a moment of acknowledgement to all of us within the service.
I audio recorded the whole service and the part with my prayer is uploaded here. I’m sharing it because maybe coming back to this time may be helpful as we work through our grief and sadness.
I share this also because maybe you are still trying to wrap your mind around this tragedy or some other unthinkable tragedy. I’m continuing to remember that there are several heartbreaking events happening in our world and communities today.
And yet, many trees still stand.
Just like the ones in my uncle’s neighborhood.
And just like the ones in mine- over here in Kentucky.
And the sun goes down.
And then the sun comes back up the next day.
(Deep breath)
And I want to continue to connect with those around me while I can.
Selah
News: I appreciated how this article shared a personal story about my Uncle BoBo. There are many other news stories that shared what happened due to Hurricane Isaias.
Relooking at photos taken, many of which are not shared here, I am reminded of Uncle BoBo’s smile. I love that we shared being military Veterans and our time spent overseas in Asia – specifically Okinawa. He lived there and I only visited. I remember the last time I saw him, last summer, I asked him what made him come back home to the United States and he shared about some things that reminded me of his love for his mom (my grandma) and family. We celebrated the purchase of his new home and later of his retirement from being on the road all the time. I love that he got to enjoy several wonderful trips and that he shared his life and presence with so many people along the way.
Rest In Peace Uncle BoBo. I love you.
Share your comment